


Be More Chill With More Girls

by Go0se



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (Just Like In The Original Play), Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Bisexual Michael Mell, Canon Jewish Character, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Behavior, Female Jeremy Heere, Female Michael Mell, High School, It's Hard and Nobody Understands, Multi, Screenplay/Script Format, everyone is bi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2020-02-28 07:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18752107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Go0se/pseuds/Go0se
Summary: JESSAMY HEERE, awkward high school junior, has a lot of problems; her gigantic crush on  CHRISTINE CANIGULA, sweetly dorky high school Theatre Kid (tm), is just one. MICHELLE MELL, Jessamy’s music-obsessed best friend, keeps trying to get Jessamy to just ask Christine out. Have some courage, woman!But what would help Jessamy more: courage, or a supercomputer sidekick in her brain teaching her how to be cool for once in her life?





	1. Act One, Scene I to III

**Author's Note:**

> This is definitely not a medium-depth edit of the 2015 Be More Chill script, which (the 2015 script) is definitely not available [here on this publically-accessible Google drive PDF](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CDCOTH5LvryOWSH0hAQLiyx7yGaUW4K0C_9cQ45bb_r5NObdb0CmkoYAPw3NDcr9DFLaDKMKd8f51BYl/edit) to download if you want.  
> The warning tags are as such because none of the archive warnings fit, but, there are some frank references to sex and everyone involved (except for teachers and parents) is 16 to 17 years old.

_BE MORE CHILL: More Girls_

Characters:

JESSAMY HEERE, awkward high school junior, currently closeted bi  
CHRISTINE CANIGULA, sweetly dorky high school Theatre Kid (TM)  
MICHELLE MELL, Jessamy’s music-obsessed, loudly bi best friend  
JAKE DILLINGER, boy who thinks he's high school masculine awesomeness personified, actually kinda a jerk  
RICH, boy who used to be Jessamy’s step-brother back in middle school; is now 5'5" of teenage bully  
CHLOE, hottest in school, crass and confident  
BROOKE, second hottest in school, insecure  
JENNA ROLAN, who knows everyone’s business including yours  
JESSAMY’S MOM, wears long-johns but never normal leggings or pants  
THE SQUIP, the supercomputer in Jessamy’s head

  
Dialogue  
_Song Lyrics_

Dedicated to the producers, musicians, and actors of the 2015 'Be More Chill' soundtrack; everyone who makes animatics; the enterprising souls who first bootlegged videos of the play; whoever released the script itself online. To the memory of Ned Vizzini; thank you for your work, sir. And to high school girls everywhere.

 

~-~

 

ACT ONE

SCENE ONE  


(We see JESSAMY at home, before school. She’s at her computer, furiously waiting for something to load. We get the impression it might be homework, or something huge. If you get the meaning.)

 

_“More Than Survive”_

JESSAMY

 _C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go go_  
_C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go go!_  
_I'm waiting for my porno to load_  
_My brain is gonna frikkin explode_  
_And now of course it's time to hit the road_  
_Which means I'll be uncomfortable all day_

 _But that really isn't such a change_  
_If I'm not feeling weird or super strange_  
_My life would be in utter disarray_  
_'Cause freaking out is my OK_  
_Good morning, time to start the day!_  
  
_C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go go_  
_C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go go!_

 

(JESSAMY bolts from the room and enters the bathroom. She looks at herself in the mirror to check for boob growth; lifts up her shirt over her stomach to check for abs. Her MOM enters.)

JESSAMY

Mom! Haven’t you heard of privacy?

JESSAMY’S MOM

Hey, we’re all ladies in this house. Pretend we’re at the gym's sauna!

JESSAMY

Just… When I get home… Please have pants on. Or at least leggings. Anything other than long-underwear. Okay?

JESSAMY’S MOM

The steam’s good for your muscles and your pores!

(JESSAMY heads outside.)

JESSAMY

 _Now should I take the bus or walk instead?_  
_I feel my stomach filling up with dread_  
_When I get nervous my whole face goes red_

 _Dude, weigh the options calmly and be still_  
_A junior on the bus is killer weak_  
_But if I walk when I arrive I'm gonna straight-up reek_  
_My boobs will get all clammy and my pits will leak_  
_Shit, I wish I had the skill_  
_To just be fine and cool and chill_

  
(JESSAMY opts for the bus. We see her heading to school.)

  
_I don't want to be a hero_  
_Just wanna stay in the line_  
_I'll never be a Beth Deniro_  
_For me, Jane Pesci is fine*_  
_And so I follow my own rules_  
_And I use them as my tools_  
_To stay alive_  
_I don't want to be special, no no_  
_I just wanna survive!_

 

(JESSAMY arrives at school. Students buzz around and sing along with her.)

 

JESSAMY, STUDENTS

_C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go go_

_C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go go!_

 

(Jessamy goes to her locker, where CHLOE and BROOKE gossip, JENNA ROLAN trying to wedge her way in.)

 

CHLOE

So Jenna Rolan said Madeline was all, “I’ll only have sex with you if you beat me at pool.” And then she lost at pool. Deliberately!

  
BROOKE

That is so awesome.

CHLOE

Brooke!

 

BROOKE

I mean slutty!

JENNA ROLAN

(to Brooke) And then Madeline was all—

CHLOE

I’m telling this story, Jenna!

(CHLOE sees JESSAMY staring, and steers the other girls away, whispering:)

CHLOE

Oh my god, she was totally taking notes from that.

 

(JESSAMY shakes her head and turns, running smack into RICH.)

 

RICH

I told you to stay away from me, tall-ass!

 

JESSAMY

Sorry, I was just… trying to get to my…

RICH

(Mockingly stuttering) My-my-me-me! Your what, guidance counselor appointment? Give me your backpack.

  
JESSAMY

What?

RICH

Give me your backpack, tall-ass! It’s not like I’m gonna steal a girl backpack, come on!

 

(Baffled but not wanting to make a scene, JESSAMY unslings her backpack and passes it over. RICH scribbles on the back of it with marker and then drops it by the locker.)

RICH

You wash that off, you’re dead.

(JAKE DILLINGER enters.)

Jakey D! What’s the story with Madeline?

 

JAKE

Aw man, I shouldn’t say. (Beat.) But it’s a good thing I rock at pool.

 

(The two boys go off together. JESSAMY waits until they’re gone before picking up her backpack and turning around.)

 

JESSAMY

 _I navigate the dangerous hall_  
_Focus on a poster there on the wall_  
_Avoiding any eye contact at all_  
_And trying hard to remain unseen_  
_The poster’s closer now, and what does it say?_  
_It’s a sign-up for the after school play_  
_It’s a sign-up sheet for getting called ‘gay’_  
_And that’s not what i need right now, and scene_  
_I hang a left and there’s --_

  
(We see CHRISTINE for the first time. Perhaps she’s drinking water from a fountain. JESSAMY is transfixed.)

 _Christine..._  
_Christine..._  
_Christine..._  
  
_Christine_  
_Canigula_  
_Christine—_

CHRISTINE

Excuse me…

 

(JESSAMY snaps out of her hypnotic moment.)

JESSAMY

Yeah?

CHRISTINE

I think someone wrote “GIRLF” on your backpack?

(JESSAMY looks at her backpack. Indeed, we see Rich wrote the letters “G-I-R-L-F”.)

 

JESSAMY

I… Uh…

(JESSAMY bolts.)

JESSAMY

(Ranting at herself after she bolts)  
  
_Oh that was great! Yeah that was freaking’ slick_  
_My smooth-talking plans really dry up quick_  
_No time to wallow, no, instead_  
_Just clear your brain and move ahead!_  
_Accept you’re gonna be that friend_  
_Who can’t get laid, the world would end!_

 _I don’t want to be a Heather_  
_Just want some skills for my own_  
_But I can’t seem to get together_  
_'Cept with molded silicone_  
_If I continue at this rate_  
_The only thing I’ll ever date_  
_Is my crap laptop’s hard drive_  
_Don’t wanna to be Beyonce, no no_  
_I just wanna survive!_

  
  
(JESSAMY is shaken out of her self-recrimination spiral when she runs into MICHELLE at lunch.)

JESSAMY

Michelle!

MICHELLE

 _Jessamy, my buddy, how’s it hanging? Lunch is banging_  
_Had my sushi, got my slushie and more!_  
_The roll was negimaki and I’m feeling kinda cocky_  
_‘Cause the girl at Sev-Elev gave me a **generous** pour--_

  
JESSAMY

(Amused) You’re listening to Bob Marley again, aren’t you?

  
MICHELLE

 _Ohhh! I’m listening to Marley, and the groove is hella gnarly_  
_And we’re almost at the end of the song!_

 _Yeah, that was the end, now tell me friend,_  
_How was class,_ you look like ass, what’s wrong?

 

JESSAMY

Rich was living up to his nickname again. Look--

(JESSAMY shows MICHELLE her backpack.)

  
JESSAMY

“GIRLF”, what does that even mean? Girl-whp-gets-F's? No one gives a crap about grades.

  
(MICHELLE pauses, then turns her own backpack around, to reveal someone has written: “RIENDS”. Together, the bags spell “GIRLFRIENDS.”)

(Beat.)

  
JESSAMY

(Bitter) I hate this school.

  
MICHELLE

It’s not a big deal; they're just think a bi girl can’t be friends with another girl without being, y’know. (off Jessamy, more furtive) No one's going to take Rich seriously. You don't have to tell the whole school if you don't want to.

  
JESSAMY

I get it, that’s not the point-- it’s just-- eugh. Whatever.  (Beat) So I wrote Christine a letter telling her how I feel.

  
MICHELLE

That’s progress!

JESSAMY

I tore it up and flushed it. (off MICHELLE) That’s still progress! And, look, we don't even know if she likes girls or not.

  
MICHELLE

And we don't know if she doesn't! You can't let that get in the way of your love. (off JESSAMY) I'm kidding. Kinda. It’s all good, listen-- I saw on Discovery that humanity has stopped evolving!

  
JESSAMY

That’s... good?

MICHELLE

Evolution’s survival of the fittest, right?

JESSAMY

I don't think that's really what Ms. Carson meant--

MICHELLE

Sure, but it's the gist!  And now, because of technology… you don’t have to be strong to survive. Which means there’s never been a better time in history to be a _loser_! So own it! Why try to be cool when you can be—

 

(JESSAMY sees CHRISTINE approach the sign-up sheet behind MICHEELLE.)

  
JESSAMY

Christine!

  
MICHELLE

I was gonna say “getting stoned in my basement”, but—

  
(Now MICHELLE sees CHRISTINE.)

Christine!

  
BOTH

 _Christine_  
_Canigula_...  
_Christine_...  
_Christine_...  
_Christine_

  
EVERYONE

 _Christine Canigula_  
_Christine Canigula!_

  
(JESSAMY slow motion walks to the sign-up sheet.)

  
JESSAMY

 _I feel my body get up from the chair_  
_I see my converse walking over there_  
_I take a shaky breath and I prepare..._  
_Who cares if people think I’m lame_  
_Christine signed, I’ll do the same!_  
_I grab the pen, I write my name..._

  
(As soon as she signs, RICH shouts out:)

  
RICH

Lez! Hahaha!

(People laugh and exit. CHLOE: “I like gay people.”)

  
JESSAMY

 _I’m never gonna be the cool chick_  
_I’m more the one who’s left out_  
_Of all the characters at school,_ _I  
am not the one who the story’s about_  
_Why can’t someone just help me out_?  
_And teach me how to thrive_  
_Help me to more than survive_  
_More than survive_  
_More than survive!_

  
(EVERYONE joins in, as the general hustle of school commences and JESSAMY moves through the rest of her day.)

 _If this was an apocalypse_  
_I would not need any tips_  
_In how to stay alive_  
_But since the zombie army’s yet to descend_  
_And the period is going to end_  
_I’m just trying my best_  
_To pass the test_  
_And survive_  
_Survive!_

  
EVERYONE

 _C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go go_  
_C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go go_  
_C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go go_  
_Go go go go_  
_Go go go go_  
_Go go GO GO!_

 

~-~

  
SCENE TWO

  
(By the end of the song, JESSAMY has landed outside play practice with MICHELLE. She hesitates, then decides not to go in.)

  
JESSAMY

I guess evolution’s not for everyone.

  
MICHELLE

You don’t have to do this. Of course, I’ll mock you forever if you don’t.

  
(JESSAMY scowls at her best friend's shit-eating grin. Then she pumps herself up.)

JESSAMY

 _C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go go_  
_C-c-c-c’mon, c-c-c-c’mon, go—_

  
(She enters... and finds CHRISTINE.)

Yo!

  
CHRISTINE

Yo.

  
JESSAMY

Is this where you meet for the play?

  
CHRISTINE

Nope. This is where you meet for the swim team. (off JESSAMY) I’m joking!

  
JESSAMY

I’m Jessamy! I mean…

(She stands there awkwardly for a beat.)

  
CHRISTINE

Are you okay?

  
JESSAMY

(barely verbal) Hnnh?

  
CHRISTINE

You seem nervous.

  
JESSAMY

No, I always (realizes this is dumb but commits to saying it anyway) sweat this much.

  
CHRISTINE

I get it. You’re a virgin. (off JESSAMY) First play rehearsal!

  
JESSAMY

(realizes) You think I’m nervous about play rehearsal!

  
CHRISTINE

Why else would you be shaking? A lot?

  
JESSAMY

Ha ha ha ha ha— Yeah, totally freaked.

  
CHRISTINE

It’s okay. I’m a little jealous actually. You never forget your first. ... Play rehearsal. Coming here is the highlight...

  
JESSAMY

Of your day?

  
CHRISTINE

Yeah right. (Beat, she smiles) Of my life!

_“I Love Play Rehearsal”_

_I love play rehearsal_  
_Because it’s the best!_  
_Because it is fun._  
_I love play rehearsal_  
_And I get depressed_  
_As soon as it’s done_  
_But not depressed as in, like, “kill yourself” depressed_  
_No, I'm not into self harm_  
_Look, I swear, here, check my arm._  
_See, I just used the word to emphasize a point_  
_To show the passion that I’ve got_  
_I am passionate a lot!_

 _And I have mad gigantic feelings_  
_Rad and frantic feelings_  
_About most everything_  
_Like gun control, like spring_  
_Like if I’m living up to all I’m meant to be_  
_I also have a touch of ADD--_

_Where was I? Oh, right!_

_I love play rehearsal_  
_'Cause you are equipped_  
_With directions and text_  
_Life is easy in rehearsal_  
_You follow a script_  
_So you know what comes next_

 _Anywho, the point that I’m getting to is_  
_Sometimes life can’t work out in the way_  
_it works out in the play_  
_Like the only time I get to be the center of attention_  
_Is when I’m Juliet or Blanche Dubois and can I mention--_

  
…that was really one of my best roles, did you see that? I was incredibly commanding, I think. It made me feel like there just aren’t a lot of strong roles for women in theater these days, particularly high school theater, do you find that? Because I totally find that.

  
_And no matter how hard I try_  
_It’s impossible to narrow down the many reasons why_

 _I love play rehearsal_  
_I happiness cry_  
_Whenever it starts_  
_It’s just so universal!_  
_Getting to try_  
_Playing so many parts_  
_Most humans do one thing for all of their lives_  
_The thought of that gives me hives_  
_I’ve got so many interests I want to pursue--_

 _And why am I telling this to you?_  
_Guess there’s a part of me that wants to..._

  
JESSAMY

Really?

  
CHRISTINE

There’s also a part of me that wants to do this. (CHRISTINE makes a crazy, goblin freak-out noise.) So I did it!

  
JESSAMY

Uh.

  
CHRISTINE

 _Back to play rehearsal!_  
_My brain is like “Bzzzz”_  
_My heart is like “Woah...”_  
_Because we’re here at play rehearsal_  
_And it’s starting_  
_We’re starting_  
_It’s starting_  
_Soon..._

 

JESSAMY

So where’s everyone else?

  
CHRISTINE

We’ve been slipping in membership lately. I guess it’s just the two of us—

  
  
(JAKE, RICH, BROOKE, JENNA, and CHLOE enter in a flurry of noise:“Woo-hoo!”  
“Let’s start this party!”  
“Has this theater always been here?”)

  
JESSAMY

Gah!

  
(MS. REYES enters.)

  
MS. REYES

Oh thank god, the popular students have arrived. Hellooooo, everyone! My name is Ms. Reyes. You may recognize me from Drama Class, or my full-time job, at the arts supply store. (off their reaction, genuinely moved) Thank you. I’ve been dreaming of the day I get to stage William Shakespeare’s classic, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”—

  
CHRISTINE

_YES!_

  
MS. REYES

And today, that dream dies.

  
CHRISTINE

What?

  
MS. REYES

And is reborn! Just... slightly mutated. The school has informed me that, unless I increase our popularity, our funds will be diverted. To the Frisbee Golf Team. Which is why our production will be set, not in a pastoral forest, but a post-apocalyptic future. Instead of frolicking with fairies, there will be fleeing. From zombies.

  
CHRISTINE

Don’t you care about Shakespeare?

  
MS. REYES

The man is dead. Let it go. We will now take a five-minute break so I can eat a Hot Pocket!

  
(The POPULAR KIDS follow her out, in a flurry of noise similar to their entrance: JAKE: “Woo hoo!”   
RICH: “Theatre is easy, yo!”  
MS. REYES, to BROOKE: “So what’s the story with Jake and Madeline?”)

(JAKE shrugs her off and hangs back.)

  
JAKE

Hey. You were in that play last year.

  
CHRISTINE

You mean Romeo & Juliet?

  
JAKE

Yeah, you were that girl who died!

  
CHRISTINE

You mean Juliet?

  
JAKE

Yeah! That was depressing.

  
CHRISTINE

Thanks…

  
JAKE

But… you were good. I’m Jake.

  
CHRISTINE

I… know.

  
  
JAKE

Cool...  Can I say something stupid?  
When I saw you die in the play last year... That was like the saddest I’d felt in a long time. It was like everything in my life, all the pressure I feel to be the best, at everything, all the time… Suddenly felt so small. And then, when you got up at the end for your victory dance--

  
CHRISTINE

Bow, it’s called a bow.

  
JAKE

Right! I remember thinking, “I’m glad that girl’s not dead…before I ever got the chance to know her.” Stupid, right?

  
(CHRISTINE stares at him.)

  
CHRISTINE

That’s… not stupid at all.

  
JAKE

Cool. Hey, a bunch of us are going out after practice today. You should join. “Parting is such sweet”…

  
CHRISTINE

Sorrow?

  
JAKE

Whatever. (He spots JESSAMY) Hey, someone wrote 'GIRLF' on your backpack.

  
  
(JAKE exits.  
JESSAMY tries to resume her flirting.)

  
JESSAMY

So, I heard this thing about how humans aren’t evolving anymore?

  
CHRISTINE

I’m sorry, Jessamy. Did you say something?

 

(Across the room, JAKE smiles at CHRISTINE. JESSAMY notices.)

  
JESSAMY

(Morose.) Forget it.

  
_Once again there’s been a take down.  
_ _But I guess it could have gone worse_  
_At least I didn’t have a breakdown_  
_Then have to go to the nurse_  
_I don’t wanna be special_  
_Don’t even need to survive_  
_I just want to know that Christine_  
_Is aware I’m alive!_

 

~-~

SCENE THREE

  
(A two-stall gender neutral bathroom, after rehearsal. JESSAMY is trying to wash the letters off her backpack when RICH walks in.)

 

RICH

I told you not to wash that off.

(JESSAMY busies herself with her backpack.)

  
JESSAMY

Where’s my homework?

  
RICH

I’m talking to you, tall-ass!

  
JESSAMY

(Annoyed) Why do you keep calling me that? I’m not even that tall!

  
(RICH heads to one of the stalls. He leaves the door open.)

  
RICH

Yeah you are, for a girl. At least, y’know, you would be if you owned it and weren’t hunched over all scared all the time. The only thing more pathetic is the way you’re sneaking to the door to get away from me.

  
(JESSAMY was trying to do just that. She stops, busted, and unsure. )

  
JESSAMY

(Skeeved, but trying to talk her way out.) Look, if this is about my mom breaking up with your dad or something, that was, like, in eighth grade. No one probably even remembers anymore--

  
RICH

(Scoffs, still facing the toilet) I don’t care about your dumbass mom, tall-ass.

  
(JESSAMY gets angry, then deflates.)

  
JESSAMY

(Deflecting) How can you talk to people when you’re, y’know...?

  
RICH

Confidence!

  
JESSAMY

You might wanna… watch the floor…

  
(Because suddenly, Rich is twitching. As if he’s receiving a message from beyond. He begins muttering to himself under his breath. It’s creepy.)

 

JESSAMY

Uh… I just remembered I don’t have to use this place after all—

  
RICH

(Weirdly emphatic) Don’t move!

  
(JESSAMY freezes. RICH zips up, then slowly turns to face JESSAMY. His expression is weird, like he’s seen a ghost.)

  
You don’t remember me freshman year, do you?

  
JESSAMY

You didn’t go here freshman year—

  
(RICH points at her accusingly.)

  
RICH

YES I DID! You just didn’t notice. Nobody did.

_  
“The Squip Song”_

_Freshman year_  
_I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue_  
_Good times would only_  
_Soar by_  
_I was gross!_  
_As every girl here could attest_  
_My sexting was a futile quest_  
_My little penis was depressed_  
_It was so lonely--_

  
JESSAMY

That’s disgusting.

  
RICH

 _(oblivious) Poor guy!_  
  
_I was hopeless, hopeless_  
_I was helpless, helpless_  
_Every time I’d walk the hallway I would trip_  
_I was stagnant and idle_  
_I was so suicidal and then, then, then--_  
_Then, then, then, then, then_  
_Then, then, then, then_  
_Then, I got a SQUIP!_

  
JESSAMY

You got quick?

  
RICH

Not quick. _Squip_.

  
JESSAMY

I’ve just never heard of it before.

  
RICH

That’s the point! This is some top-secret-can’t-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit.

  
_It's from Japan_  
_It's a grey oblong pill_  
_Quantum nanotechnology CPU_  
_The quantum computer in the pill_  
_Will travel through your blood until_  
_It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do._

  
JESSAMY

What? That’s not even possible.

  
RICH

Shut up, tall-ass---!

(RICH smacks JESSAMY’S BACKPACK off of the bathroom counter.)

(Beat. RICH realizes what he’s doing and backs up, holding his hands in the ‘wasn’t me’ gesture. He leaves time for JESSAMY to rescue her backpack from the grimy floor.)  
Sorry, old habits. Look, I apologize for treating you like human garbage all the time. I only did it ‘cause my squip said I had to. But now it’s saying you’re not a total loser. That you might want a Squip of your own. ‘Course, if you’re not interested...

  
JESSAMY

(Skeeved out, but now curious) So... it’s like… (whispers) Drugs?

  
RICH

Ha. It's better than drugs, Jessamy.

  
_It's from Japan!_  
_It's a grey oblong pill_  
_Quantum nanotechnology CPU_  
_The quantum computer in the pill_  
_Will travel through your blood until_  
_It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do._

  
_It's pre-programmed_  
_It's amazing_  
_Speaks to you directly_

 _You behave as_  
_It's appraising_  
_Helps you act correctly_  
_Helps you to be cool_  
_Helps you rule!_

 _Picture this:_  
_Nobody cares if you are late_  
_'Cause even teachers think you're great_  
_Your weekend's just a full-on slate_  
_Of blowout benders_  
_Of teenage rockstar splendors!_  
_Right now you're helpless, helpless_  
_You are almost hopeless_  
_On the school social map you're just a blip_  
_But if you take my advice and if you_  
_Pay the listed price, well,_  
_Then you go from sad to interesting to hip_  
_Yeah, your whole life will flip_  
_Yeah, when you buy a squip!_

  
RICH

I got a hook-up, this guy--

  
JESSAMY

(Bewildered) Really? I thought you were strai--

  
RICH

(Oblivious crosstalk) -- works at discount shoe place at the Menlo Park Mall. It’s six hundred.

  
JESSAMY

Dollars?

  
RICH

It’s worth it. Bring the money on Monday. You’ll see.

  
(RICH starts to exit.)

  
JESSAMY

Aren’t you gonna wash your hands?!

  
RICH

Aw, man, Jessamy. You know what you need?

 _A squip!_  
_A squip!_  
_A squip!_  
_No longer a drip_  
_When you got in your grip_  
_A squip!_

 

(RICH exits.)

  
JESSAMY

... that’s still disgusting.

 

  
(We follow JESSAMY from the bathroom to her bedroom, later that night.)

  
JESSAMY

(To herself)

 _It's from Japan_...  
_It's a grey oblong pill_  
_Quantum nanotechnology CPU._  
_The quantum computer in the pill_  
_Will travel through my blood until_  
_It implants in my brain and it tells me what to do._  
_It helps me to be cool._  
_It helps me rule....!_

  
~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - I couldn't figure out a way to rhyme any of the famous actress duos I found, so instead, the Deniro and Pesci in this universe are women. \o/  
> Ms. Carson the science teacher - from Rachel Carson, marine biologist and naturalist writer who challenged the idea that using the chemical DDT wasn't causing active and epidemic harm to the environment. ... \o/  
> Also, pouring one out for everyone else who's had to format script or screenplay works onto AO3; it takes a _while_.


	2. Act One, Scene IV to VI

~-~

SCENE FOUR

 

(That night. JESSAMY and MICHELLE hang out in Jessamy’s room, playing video games.)

_“Two Player Game”_

BOTH

_Find the bad guy, push 'em aside, then move on forward with your friend at your side_   
_It’s a two player game, so when they make an attack_   
_You know ya got a sister gonna have you’re back_   
_Then ya stay on track, and- AH!- Remain on course_   
_If they give ya smack you- GAH!- Use your force_   
_If you leave your sister behind its lame_   
_Cuz it’s an effed up world but it’s a two-player game, hey!_

JESSAMY

So? What do you think?

MICHELLE

He’s scamming you. He’s scamming you super weirdly.

JESSAMY

What if he’s not? This could be huge! All I need to do is give the guy who torments me six…hundred... yeah, he’s totally scamming me. (Beat) I’m doomed to be a loser ‘til the end of the world. No, probably then too.

MICHELLE

No way.

_Dude, you are cooler than a vintage cassette._   
_It’s just that no one else but me thinks that-- yet!_   
_You’re just a nothing in the high school scheme,_   
_But it’s no big, cuz you and I are a team._   
_We like out of print games_   
_Retro skates_   
_Got Ms. Pac-Man tattoos_   
_Nobody here appreciates_   
_But soon we’ll be together where they do!_

‘ _Cause girls like us are cool in college!_  
 _Cool in college, this I know._  
 _Girls like us are cool in college!_  
 _We rule in college_  
 _Listen, yo--_

_High school is hell_   
_But we navigate it well!_   
_Cuz what we do_   
_Is we make it a two-player game._

BOTH

_ZOMBIE!_   
_WATCH OUT!_   
_AAH!_   
_WAH!_   
_Uggggggh._

JESSAMY

 _As losers we have fought together for years_  
 _Both Nintendo zombies and our popular peers_  
 _Now we’re stuck on a level and_ _I_ _want to move on_

MICHELLE

 _Just wait two years whereupon_  
 _You’ll realize_ _girls_ _like us are_

BOTH

_Cool in college_   
_Cool in college_   
_Won’t be lame_

JESSAMY

_Look, I know, I get it---_

BOTH

 _Girls_ _like us are cool in college!_

JESSAMY

_\-- but we’re not in college!_

MICHELLE

_All the same!_   
_High school is whack_   
_But we have each other’s back!_   
_It’s me and you,_   
_We’ve made it a_

BOTH

_Two-player game!_

_AGH!_   
_OH!_   
_ZOMBIE!_

JESSAMY’S MOM

(Knocks) Hello?

JESSAMY AND MICHELLE

 _BLOOD_!

JESSAMY’S MOM

Honey...?

JESSAMY AND MICHELLE

 _CLAWS_!

JESSAMY’S MOM

(Shouting) Jessamy!

JESSAMY AND MICHELLE

(Dejected) _PAUSE._

  
(JESSAMY’S MOM appears in the door. She's wearing old long johns with huge socks.)

JESSAMY

AAH! Mom! Pants! Or a skirt, something!

JESSAMY’S MOM

Is that a boy? Are you in here with a boy?! -- oh. Hi Michelle.

MICHELLE

Hey, Ms. Heere.

JESSAMY’S MOM

I was going to order pizza. If there’s something you girls want—

JESSAMY

Did you get dressed today? Like at all?

JESSAMY’S MOM

Oh... They didn’t need me at the office. So I worked from home.

JESSAMY

Most people wear real clothes at home.

JESSAMY’S MOM

That’s why most people…aren’t your mother. (beat) Good talk.

  
(She exits. Michelle recognizes the awkwardness of the moment.)

 

MICHELLE

How is she doing?

JESSAMY

How does it look?

MICHELLE

You heard from...?

JESSAMY

No. And who cares? It’s like, Dad moved on, _again,_ why can’t she? It’s not even like he was her one and only or whatever. She’s dated two other guys since! She's dated _Rich's dad_ , of all people.

MICHELLE

Oh, yeah-- in eighth grade, right? I’d forgotten about that.

JESSAMY

(Now in the steam of ranting, oblivious) I wish she’d never gone to that stupid business conference. Then she wouldn’t’ve met Dad again. Then they wouldn’t’ve broken up. _Again_. And then she wouldn’t be staying home all day _now_ and not even bothering to get dressed properly--

MICHELLE

(Crosstalk) Hey—

JESSAMY

I just don’t want that to be my future!

(Beat).

JESSAMY

Look, Rich said his hook-up’s at the shoe place. What if we go there ourselves? Just to see if his story checks out?

  
MICHELLE

(Deadpan) You really want to go buy a sketchy pill from some dude you haven’t even met before, because the guy who throws your class binder in water fountains told you you should?

  
JESSAMY

Hey, I’ll have you with me. If anything weird starts happening, we’ll scram. (Off Michelle) I have that pepper spray my aunt gave me for my birthday, we can bring that. And if the guy’s actually there and has the Squip-- if, okay-- we’ll take it to the food court or something so we’re out in the open. Don’t you want to find out if this is a real thing?

MICHELLE

(Still worried, but wavering) If we go, I’m keeping my phone out and pretending like I’m talking to someone the whole time. Plus, using that safety app my mom--

JESSAMY

\-- forced you to download?

MICHELLE

It’s for emergencies. This counts. And I’m bringing my knife too.

JESSAMY

Yeah. We’ve played enough Apocalypse to be really good at knife fights--

MICHELLE

(Interrupting, unexpectedly sincere) I just don’t want anything to happen to you.

  
(Beat)

  
JESSAMY

Hey. I’ll be fine. WE’LL be fine. Look, Rich is a total dick, but he’s not going to try to, like, poison me or whatever.And I don’t think he’d purposefully send me to someone who wanted to kidnap or kill us.

MICHELLE

... and chop up our corpses to grind them into meat pies. (Off Jessamy) That’s a musical reference. You should really brush up on them if you want to impress Christine, y’know.

JESSAMY

Shut up.

  
(MICHELLE laughs. The seriousness and tension leaves the air.)

  
JESSAMY

Look, if this thing actually does what Rich said, I won’t even need to remember musicals to impress Christine. I’ll just... ask the SQUIP. The worst that can happen is it doesn’t work.

  
MICHELLE

... and if it does? Will you... be too cool for video games?

JESSAMY

(Fond) No way.

_You know that you are my favorite person._   
_That doesn’t mean I can’t still dream?_

MICHELLE

(Making fun of her)  
 _Is it really true? I’m your_ _~_ _favorite person_ _~_ _?_

JESSAMY

Yeah.  
 _We’re never not gonna be a team._  
 _High school is shit!_  
 _And you gotta help me conquer it._  
 _It’s just what we do..._

BOTH

_We make it a two player game!_

_Find the bad guy, push him aside_  
 _Then move on forward with ya friend at your side_  
 _It’s a two player game, so when they make an attack_  
 _You know you gotta sister gonna have you back_  
 _Then ya stay on track, and- AH!- Remain on course_  
 _If they give you smack you- GAH!- Use your force_  
 _If you leave your sister behind its lame_  
‘ _Cause it’s an effed up world but it’s a two-player game, hey!_

_Two player game!_   
_Two player game!_   
_Hey-ey-ey!_

 

(By the end of the song, they have landed at...)

~-~

SCENE FIVE

(The mall’s discount shoe store. JESSAMY and MICHELLE in front of a SCARY STOCKBOY, who’s ignoring them. He has Wolverine-esque sideburns.  
The girls look at each other nervously. They turn away from SCARY STOCKBOY for a sec and have a whispered conversation.)

MICHELLE

You sure about this?

JESSAMY

I mean… we’re here, aren’t we? We might as well try. And I brought--

  
(JESSAMY takes out a small pepper spray canister attached to a keychain and holds it in her palm, so MICHELLE and the audience can see it. MICHELLE nods, and pulls out her phone.)

MICHELLE

Okay. Here’s a blood test, I guess.

  
(The girls turn back towards the SCARY STOCKBOY, who’s still totally ignoring them. MICHELLE pushes JESSAMY forward.)

JESSAMY

Uh, hey! There… guy. Cool sideburns. Wolverine, right?

SCARY STOCKBOY

Let's see the money.

 

(JESSAMY takes a step backwards. MICHELLE tenses.)

JESSAMY

What?

SCARY STOCKBOY

_It's from Japan._   
_It's a grey oblong pill_   
_Quantum nanotechnology CPU._   
_The quantum computer in the pill_   
_Will travel through your blood until_   
_It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do..._

JESSAMY

… How did you know why I’m here?

 

SCARY STOCKBOY

Just look at you, kid. (JESSAMY pulls out the money.) That’s four hundred?

JESSAMY

Four?

SCARY STOCKBOY

Is that a problem?

JESSAMY

No! Actually, there's a guy at my school charging… (off MICHELLE) Uh. Four hundred? Wow. Well, if you insist.

  
(JESSAMY hands over the money. The STOCKBOY presents her with a shoebox.)

  
JESSAMY

Running shoes?

 

(The STOCKBOY opens the box... and pulls out a small gray pill.)

 

SCARY STOCKBOY

Just so we're clear: this is untested technology. And it's not exactly legal. Which is why you're paying for it with cash in the back of a shoe store. I take no responsibility for what you might do with it. Or what it might do with you.

JESSAMY

What might it—

SCARY STOCKBOY

To activate the pill, take it with Mountain Dew. Don't know why. Just something about Mountain Dew. And, this is important— (JENNA ROLAN enters the store, and the STOCKBOY barks at her.) I’m sold out!

JENNA ROLAN

Of... shoes?

SCARY STOCKBOY

Oh, you’re here for shoes. My bad. (to JESSAMY) Scram, kid.

JESSAMY

Wait, you were saying something important…?

SCARY STOCKBOY

Oh yeah. All sales final.   
(Ad-lib to JENNA as he leads her off) We just got in a killer pair of pumps...

~-~

SCENE SIX 

(JESSAMY and MICHELLE in the mall food court. Examining the pill.)

JESSAMY

I hope you’re worth four hundred dollars.

MICHELLE

Four hundred and one. Don’t forget the Mountain Dew.

JESSAMY

If this is real… my whole life could change. (Beat.) We should split it. You helped me get it. We should both benefit, right?

MICHELLE

I don’t think it works that way. Besides, I like knowing that when you’re cool, you’ll owe me.

JESSAMY

All right. Here goes…everything. 

  
(She puts the pill on her tongue, swallows it with the Mountain Dew.)

 

MICHELLE

How does it taste?

JESSAMY

(Smacks her lips) Minty.

MICHELLE

How do you _feel_?

JESSAMY

Like… (Long pause.)

A chump.

MICHELLE

Nothing? At all? Try to say something cool.

JESSAMY

I think I just blew my bat mitzvah money on a mint tic-tac.

MICHELLE

Yeeeeaaaaahh… Not cool. Sorry, Jess.

JESSAMY

(Dejected) Please just leave me alone to mourn in my chili fries, forever.

(Beat.)

MICHELLE

Five minutes.

JESSAMY

Where are you going?

MICHELLE

Oh, check it out. Girl in Spencer’s Gifts is hooking me up with a case of Crystal Pepsi. It’s just like regular Pepsi. Only clear!

JESSAMY

Wasn’t that discontinued in the 90’s?

MICHELLE

That’s what makes it so awesome!

 

(MICHELLE exits. JESSAMY looks up to see CHRISTINE enter with JAKE.)

 

CHRISTINE

Shouldn’t we wait for the rest of the cast?

JAKE

Yeeeaaaaah... We’re not meeting the rest of the cast. I figured we could get to know each other. Alone.

  
CHRISTINE

So you were just lying to me about that? That's a bit creepy.

JAKE

(Oblivous) That’s why I’m taking you to one of my favorite spots in the universe! Pizza—

 

JESSAMY

(Scrambling to her feet) Christine!

CHRISTINE

Jessamy! I didn’t see you there.

 

JAKE

Yeah, you’re kinda hard to notice. (To CHRISTINE, turning them both away from JESSAMY) The best part, they let you pick whatever you want—

 

JESSAMY

(Gathering her courage) Wait! …There’s something I need to tell you.  
  


(JAKE and CHRISTINE pause.)

JAKE

Now?

  
CHRISTINE

(Curious) What is it, Jessamy?

 

JESSAMY

(Courage failing) I… I…

(Suddenly, JESSAMY seizes up, her head wracked with pain.) OWWW!

  
VOICE

 _Romantic t_ a _rget: inaccessible._

CHRISTINE

Jessamy?

JESSAMY

(Clutching her head) OW! What the shit?!

VOICE

_Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort._

JESSAMY

MILD?!?

CHRISTINE

(Worried) Jessamy, what’s wrong?!

JAKE

Dude, the freak’s freaking out.

VOICE

_Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated._

JESSAMY

Noooo wait, wait. I’m fine, I just—

VOICE

_Discomfort level may increase._

JESSAMY

AAHHHHH!

 

(JESSAMY bolts, holding her head, as her body involuntarily spasms in pain.)

VOICE

 _Accessing: neural memory. Accessing: muscle memory.  
Access procedure: complete._ _Jessamy Heere._

 

(A young woman appears. Twenty-something, attractive, and oozing cool. THE SQUIP.)

 

THE SQUIP

Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor.... Your SQUIP.

(A shocked beat.)

 

JESSAMY

You look like... Carrie-Ann Moss….!

THE SQUIP

My default mode. You can also set me for: _Meryl Streep_. _**Sean Connery.**_ Or, _Sexy Anime Female!_ ( _Giggles artificially_ )

  
JESSAMY

Carrie-Ann is fine! Can... everyone see you?

  
THE SQUIP

No. I exist only in your mind. All they see is you, having an animated conversation, with yourself. So don’t do that. Just think at me. Like you’re telepathic.

JESSAMY

Like in X-Men?

THE SQUIP

... I can see this is going to be difficult. You want to be more chill.

  
JESSAMY

You mean cool.

THE SQUIP

I do not. You see, human social activity is governed by _rules,_ and I have the processing capacity to understand those rules. And pass them on to you.

  
_“Be More Chill”_

THE SQUIP

_Take your hands out of your pockets._   
_Arch your back, don’t hide your chest._   
_Add some hips into your gate or_   
_You’ll look like a masturbator._   
_Fix your posture, then the rest._

JESSAMY

But I am a masturbator—

THE SQUIP

We’ll fix that.

_All your nerdiness is ugly._

JESSAMY

Nerd?! I thought I was more of a geek—

THE SQUIP

_All your s-s-stammering’s a chore._

JESSAMY

I-- Wh-wh-what?

THE SQUIP

_Your tics and fidgets are persistent_   
_And your charm is non-existent_   
_Fix your vibe, then fix some more._

(She catches JESSAMY trying to stick her hands in her pockets.) BUH.

JESSAMY

Wha!?

THE SQUIP

BUH!

JESSAMY

WHA--?!

THE SQUIP

No!

JESSAMY

AAH!

THE SQUIP

Stop.

JESSAMY

Uhhhh?

THE SQUIP

_Oh, everything about you is so terrible._   
_Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die._

JESSAMY

(Under her breath) What the shit.

THE SQUIP

_So don’t freak out._   
_And don’t resist!_   
_And have no doubt_   
_If I assist!_   
_You will_   
_Be more chill._

(JESSAMY starts to slouch – and feels an electric shock.)

JESSAMY

Ow! Did you just…shock me?

THE SQUIP

Spinal stimulation. You were slouching.

_First things first, go buy a new shirt._

JESSAMY

What’s wrong with my—

THE SQUIP

_Shh. Better if you just comply._   
_My job’s to color your aesthetic_   
_And make you seem much less pathetic_   
_So just step and fetch, don’t ask me why._

No, not this store-- the next one over.

  
(JESSAMY enters a store and begins looking at shirts.)

 

JESSAMY

(To herself) Everything here’s so... trendy. Michelle would laugh at me for days. Why can’t I just go to a secondhand store or--

THE SQUIP

That is not part of the program. There, pick that one.

JESSAMY

It has a picture of Eminem.

THE SQUIP

If you’re so astute, what do you need me for?

  
JESSAMY

Do people still listen to Eminem?

THE SQUIP

Irrelevant. My quantum structure enables me to envision possible futures. I envision a future in which you wear an Eminem shirt and things turn out well.

JESSAMY

What if someone quizzes me about his music?

THE SQUIP

My database is infinite and instantaneous.  
  


JESSAMY

... how are you with math homework?

 

(Beat)

  
THE SQUIP

(Deadpan) I’m a super-computer, Jessamy. I’m made of math.

(The SQUIP activates a chorus of SHOPPERS.)

_Oh, everything about you is so terrible!_

PEOPLE IN THE MALL

_EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU SUCKS!_   
_EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU SUCKS!_

  
THE SQUIP

_Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die!_

PEOPLE IN THE MALL

_EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU SUCKS!_   
_EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU SUCKS!_

ALL

_All the people in the mall think you’re such a slob!_

PEOPLE IN THE MALL

_YOU’RE A SLOB!_   
_TERRIBLE!_   
_SUCH A SLOB!_

THE SQUIP

_And wow, can I see WHY!_

  
THE SQUIP

Now you.  Try picking a shirt. (JESSAMY picks one.) That’s a guy’s shirt.

 

(JESSAMY goes to put it back… and bumps into CHLOE, shopping with BROOKE.)

 

JESSAMY

Sorry… (A jolt) OW!

THE SQUIP

Posture.

CHLOE

… Jackie?

JESSAMY

Uh... Jessamy.

CHLOE

(Judging) You shop here?

JESSAMY

I mean, not really, the style’s a little too--

THE SQUIP

“All the time.”

JESSAMY

\-- all the time! Is what I meant.  
  


THE SQUIP

Greet the beta.

JESSAMY

The…? Oh. Hey Brooke.

THE SQUIP

“You look good, I wish I could pull that shirt off.”

JESSAMY

I can’t say that to a popular girl, she’ll think I’m flirting with her! Everyone at school already thinks--!  
  


THE SQUIP

Smile. Don’t make eye contact. Look at her and then down at your shirt like you’re embarrassed. Speak like you don’t care about your own death.

JESSAMY

(taking the instruction) Your shirt looks super good today, Brooke.

  
BROOKE

(Smiles, flattered) Thanks. I’ve been trying on a lot of crop tops lately--  
  


CHLOE

(Interrupting Brooke) Is that a _guy_ shirt?

JESSAMY

No.

THE SQUIP

“Yes.”

JESSAMY

\-- Yes.

THE SQUIP

Repeat after me...

_I saw it in the window and I couldn’t dismiss_

JESSAMY

_I saw it in the window and I couldn’t dismiss..._

THE SQUIP

 _I was dating a_ _guy,_ _and he had a shirt just like this._

  
JESSAMY

_I was dating a guy, and he had a shirt just like this!_

  
THE SQUIP

_It’s still painful!_

JESSAMY

_It’s still painful..._

  
BROOKE

So he broke up with you?

JESSAMY

Yeah…

THE SQUIP

No.

JESSAMY

I mean—

THE SQUIP

 _I broke up with him_!

JESSAMY

_I broke up with him!_

THE SQUIP

‘ _Cause he was cheating on me!_

JESSAMY

(Overselling it) _H_ _e was_ _CHEATING_ _on me...!_

  
THE SQUIP

Hey. Hamlet?  
 _Be more chill_ _._

  
BROOKE

(Sympathetic) That’s awful. Do you know who...?

CHLOE

(Cutting in) Yeah, who was this mystery girl?

JESSAMY

Uh, you’ve probably never heard of her—

THE SQUIP

_Madeline._

JESSAMY

 _M_ _adeline_!

CHLOE

(Outraged) What!?

JESSAMY

_She’s ~French~!_

CHLOE

Ugh, she is NOT French! She just pretends to be, for attention.

  
JESSAMY

Oh, well, that’s still probably why my... ex liked her. He and I were both really into (realizing this is stupid but committing to it) French theatre.

  
CHLOE

(to BROOKE) What did I tell you? She is such a slut!

  
BROOKE

You are so much better off without him, Jessamy.

  
CHLOE

Obviously! And I mean, who does Madeline think she is?

 

(As CHLOE launches into a rant, JESSAMY speaks to her SQUIP.)

 

JESSAMY

What just happened?

THE SQUIP

A shared negative opinion is the fastest social bond. You want someone to like you… hate who they hate.

  
  
CHLOE

Ugh, let’s get out of here. I told my stupid little sister we’d pick her up from dance anyway. (She pulls up out phone and starts texting.)

 

THE SQUIP

(Urgently, crosstalking Chloe) Brooke is going to offer you a ride. It is imperative you accept.

  
BROOKE

(To Chloe) Yeah, we should go. (To Jessamy) Hey, um... do want a ride?

  
THE SQUIP

“Yes.”

JESSAMY

... yes...! -- But, I’m supposed to meet my friend Michelle.

BROOKE

Oh…

THE SQUIP

Jessamy, if this is going to work, you need to do as I instruct.

  
BROOKE

 _Jessamy._ (Looking her over)

 _Do you wanna ride_?

 

CHLOE

(Now paying attention, suspicious) Brooke?!

BROOKE

(To CHLOE) Just asking.

JESSAMY

(Flustered) I… Next time. I promise.

  
CHLOE

Whatever.

  
(CHLOE starts to leave. BROOKE hangs back just another second.)

  
BROOKE

My boyfriend cheated on me too. _Ex_ -boyfriend. So…I know how you feel. Boys aren't worth our time.

 

JESSAMY

(Still flustered) I-- y-- uh...

CHLOE

Brooke! Come on.

BROOKE

(Giggling) Au revoir!

 

(The girls leave.)

 

JESSAMY

What just-- did you see— that was awesome! No one popular’s ever talked to me that long before! I have to find Michelle—

  
THE SQUIP

Michelle has left the mall.

JESSAMY

How do you know?

THE SQUIP

I can access the mall security cameras.

JESSAMY

(Shocked and dismayed) So how am I supposed to get home?!

THE SQUIP

I told you accepting a ride was imperative.

  
(JESSAMY has no retort to that.)

THE SQUIP

Jessamy. If this is going to work, you can’t just listen. You have to obey. Now repeat after me:

_Oh, everything about you is so terrible_

JESSAMY

(Dejected) _Everything about me is just terrible..._

THE SQUIP

Good.  
 _Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die._

JESSAMY

(Voice getting smaller) _Everything about me makes me wanna... die._

THE SQUIP

(Encouraging) Now you’ve got it!

_But Jessamy, Soon you’ll see_   
_That if you listen to me--_   
_Listen to me...!_   
_Everything about you is going to be wonderful!_

  
PEOPLE IN THE MALL

_We love everything about you!_

  
THE SQUIP

_Everything about you is going to be so alive!_

  
PEOPLE IN THE MALL

_We could never live without you!_

THE SQUIP

_You won’t feel left out or unsure!_   
_You won’t be ugly anymore!_   
_Because everything about you is going to be_   
_Cool!_   
_And powerful._   
_And popular._   
_Incredible!_   
_And you will--_

JESSAMY

 _Be more CHILL!_  
I mean, _chillll._

THE SQUIP

_Be more chill!_

ALL

 _B_ _e more chill!_  
 _Be more chill_!  
 _Be more chill_!  
 _Be More Chill!_

 

(When the song ends, JESSAMY’s bed appears, as the MALL PEOPLE gently lay her down on it, and depart one by one. Finally, it’s just JESSAMY and the SQUIP.)  
  


JESSAMY

(Half-asleep, singing badly) _B_ _e more chill. I’m gonna... B_ _e_ _s_ _uper chill..._

 

(The SQUIP tucks JESSAMY into bed. It’s very mother/daughter after the ballgame.)

  
THE SQUIP

Sleep well, slugger. You have a big day tomorrow.

 

(The SQUIP disappears.)

  
~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listening to the new cast soundtrack while writing this is like looking through two sets of funhouse mirrors, y'all. Not that it's all bad, it's just very different from where I'm standing.
> 
> Posting this on the 20th; so happy new year! ❤


End file.
